Do you feel like you’re standing on the sidelines, waiting for your name to be called or for the phone to ring?
Or standing anxiously by your mailbox, waiting for the postman to drop off your invitation to the “party”?
I’ll admit, I’ve occasionally felt that mix of admiration with a teeny twinge of jealousy when looking over lists of top this or top that, when I felt like I might have fit in well.
But leaving a “hey you forgot ME!” comment or fuming for the evening really aren’t my style — and they aren’t smart ways to handle it. Don’t let it disturb your peace or shake your confidence.
So, if you’ve felt the same way, let me share some better ways to react. Here are two things we’ve got to realize…
1. Validation is great but it’s not necessary.
Is an award really the reward you’re working for? Recognition is nice. Okay, sometimes it’s downright great.
But we know what we’re supposed to be doing. We know when we’ve done our best and our clients (or readers or whomever we’re serving) are benefiting. So we’ve just got to keep doing that faithfully.
Sometimes the practice and the work is the reward. Find joy in it.
2. If you aren’t getting invited to the party, then host your own!
If you’re looking around and seeing top fifty lists that don’t include you, why not create your own and honor others?
If you want to participate in a telesummit and haven’t been invited yet, put together your own!
If you’d love to be awarded some cool award, create one and award it to others.
Put your focus on acknowledging someone else and building them up. Host your own party, create your own opportunities, and have a blast. You’ll feel great and so will those you’ve spotlighted (they’re probably waiting for someone to notice them, too).
So where’d this post come from?
I got an unexpected surprise in my inbox last week. (Wait, aren’t all surprises unexpected? Hmm…. editing brain wonders if I should rephrase… early morning brain says go with it…)
Christian author and blogger Frank Viola created a list of Top 10 Female Christian Bloggers and included me on the list.
But what I love about the way he presented it was the twist he put on the “here’s the best” — go check out the post yourself and be sure to read the questions at the end. It’s what inspired today’s post.
A personal note: Yes, I am a Christian. Regular readers may see themes of faith and trust in my posts, though I don’t blog about religion much. I came from an extremely conservative background and as adults my husband and I left the church we’d belonged to our entire lives. It’s something I’ll share more about someday, but I continue to work through it daily and am still learning to find anchor in who I know God to be in my own life instead of in what others told me and who others said God was. If you’re a woman who’s struggled to reconcile running a business and holding authority with your faith, spend some time on Frank’s blog (especially this post). You’ll find it encouraging and uplifting.
Congratulations! What an honor that must have felt like.
I definitely agree with you about recognition. I have a friend that is a starving artist because she is getting paid in praises instead of clients. Thank goodness she is learning to turn her adoring fans into paid clients.
That’s sure an important piece in the puzzle — turning those fans into clients. :)
Hi Michelle,
this is very interesting because sometimes I feel that way, lol.
Then I decided that I don’t want to be the teacher’s pet and that I don’t create for awards but for my target audience.
Thanks for sharing your insights.
Best,
Oliver
I don’t mind if I am not validated for some things that some people might think they needed validation for. As long I am contended with I did, that is enough validation for myself.
Congrats on the mention Michelle. My wife & I often have discussions about women, business and their relationships with God.
Congratulations Michelle – it is much deserved! I can personally attest to the integrity and excellence with how you carry yourself and run your business. I was not at all surprised to learn of your faith – it is quietly proclaimed in everything you do! You are truly an inspiration!!!
Hey Michelle! Congratulations on that honor & thanks for sharing this post! In this society where virtually anyone can become famous for doing nothing, it’s hard to not want the same praise and attention for your legitimate hard work, but that ultimately comes at a price. Seeking outside validation only leads to more disappointment! So thanks for the reminder (And I love tip #2!)
I’ve found that sitting around waiting for validation and begging to be noticed actually pushes people away.. People want to forget me when I act all needy; I come across as self-centered and pathetic. (Can you tell I speak from experience? lol)
And congrats on being featured on the list, Michelle. You certainly deserve the recognition you get across the blogosphere.
Congratulations! I must say I think you deserve this honor. I, too, am a Christian and don’t have a blatantly Christian blog, and I also struggle with looking at those stats and watching other blogs zoom past me. Since I changed my blog name a couple of months ago (was Ship Bound for Tarshish) I have lost traffic and that’s been challenging. Thanks for the reminder of asking myself the question – Who am I writing this for? Also, thanks for the suggestions of looking to support or award others. Very nice.
Hi Michelle,
Great post – Honestly the biggest piece of advice I would recommend is start a party of your own – As taking initiative and doing something unique is what will most likely put you on the map above your competitors .
Congrats my friend. Well deserved. And, I love your idea about “if you’re not getting invited to the party, then host your own?” I have hosted my own birthday party every year (for many years), even though that’s not really what you’re referring to, it’s still lots of fun.
~Debra
I needed this article…. just like so much of your encouraging and helpful content. Thank you!
Tia
Ha Ha again Michelle,
Congrats on being recognized. That’s the Law of Reciprocity in action.
I just wrote about validation and self-validation.
Luv your re-frames – if others aren’t giving you what you want, create it yourself. That type of mindset puts you in the driver’s seat of your life. It allows you to focus on the things you can control versus those you can’t. That’s empowering,
Validation is awesome, innately we thrive on it. The problem arises when we become dependent on external validation to feel good about ourselves. It’s something we can’t control and when it’s taken away or not given, we may fall apart. Self-validation is the key for unstoppable confidence and healthy self-esteem.
Thanks for sharing
Hi michell.. I would like to share this post to my friends. Thanks for sharing